JALALABAD, AFGHANISTAN – Service members at Jalalabad Airfield are on high-alert this week following a string of safety violations perpetrated by a maniacal villain known as the J-bad Joker.

“It all happened so fast,” said one terrified soldier, after watching helplessly as the J-bad Joker stalked from his barracks to the bathroom without a reflective belt. “Total pandemonium. As if we don’t have enough to worry about already in this god-forsaken country!”

Indeed, the J-bad Joker’s antics have gripped the longstanding Coalition Forces base with the crippling anxiety that, at any moment, calamity could ensue. To date, the lunatic’s infractions include driving a Gator two kilometers per hour over the posted speed limit, failing to wear proper eye protection on a cloudy day, and unloading his pistol away from a designated clearing chamber.

This unique brand of senseless disregard for general orders and regulations has catapulted the J-bad Joker to Afghan underworld fame, where he joins the ranks of criminal eccentrics like the Panjshir Penguin, Torkhum Two-Face, and Kabul Catwoman.