HEAVEN — The soul of Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) was tossed out of the Heaven Officer’s Club just hours after he entered the bar for angelic military officers, where witnesses say he was sliding shirtless across the bar top while shouting “carrier landings!" or as his fellow naval aviators simply described it, "just being John at happy hour," Duffel Blog has learned.

McCain, 81, passed away over the weekend, though sources say his soul refused to slip the surly bonds like some mere mortal and instead allowed an A-4 Skyhawk to strap itself to him so he could tear-ass through the stratosphere, doing aileron rolls as he busted the aircraft's service ceiling by some 4o or 5o thousand feet before catching a three-wire on the flight deck of Heaven.