Kim Jong Chub: How to stay trim and fit while oppressing your people from isolation

PYONGYANG – The Defense Intelligence Agency (DIA) confirmed that North Korean Supreme Leader Kim Chong Un is calling himself "a new Dear Leader" devoted to a life of health and fitness.

According to DIA spokesman Maj. Gordon Moody, a severe illness caused Kim's recent disappearance from public view. This brush with death motivated Kim to commit himself t…