Kim Jong-Un seen outside Mar-a-Lago blasting 'In Your Eyes' on boombox
Kim tries to win back his crush.
By W.E. Linde
MAR-A-LAGO, Fla. — After weeks of near-total diplomatic silence from North Korea following the inauguration of U.S. President Joe Biden, the Hermit Kingdom’s reclusive head of state unexpectedly appeared in this well-to-do Florida town in a whimsical, romantic flourish.
Surprised residents watched as Kim Jong-Un stood just outside former President Donald Trump’s Mar-a-Lago resort, clad in a brown trench coat, holding a large boombox radio with a tape deck over his head, loudly blasting Peter Gabriel’s “In Your Eyes.”
“We’ve been trying to reach him since February,” complained U.S. Secretary of State Anthony Blinken, when word reached him of the despot’s soulful overture. “But Chairman Kim has made it clear he just doesn’t have feelings for us. He doesn’t even have a U.S. entry visa!
“I’d be mad, but watching Kim try to win back his crush, it’s so darn cute.”
Numerous Mar-a-Lago residents, as well as tourists, gathered at a distance as the romantic scene played out.
“I didn’t know what to make of it,” said longtime resident Monecia Taylor, who saw the ruthless tyrant while on her morning walk. “I wondered what could be making such a ruckus so early in the morning. I almost called the police, but then realized who it was. It was really sweet.”
When passersby asked the murderous family cult leader what he hoped to accomplish, he was silent at first. But after some prodding, he finally opened up.
“We had something special,” said the Butcher of Pyongyang. “I refuse to believe that when Trump said ‘We fell in love,’ that he didn’t mean it.”
Soon after Kim’s appearance made the news, North Korean media showed North Korean military leaders meeting with the dictator’s sister, Kim Yo Jong, back in Pyongyang.
“Can you imagine Donald Trump winding up with someone like Kim?” asked one general. After a thoughtful moment, Kim Yo Jong smiled and said “Yeah, I can.”
“Me, too,” agreed the beaming general.
At one point, Trump was observed in a window and looked as though he was about to open it. However, he was quickly wrestled away by daughter Ivanka and son-in-law Jared Kushner. When finally reached for comment, the ex-president spoke kindly.
“I felt I could say anything around him,” admitted Trump. “Whether it was my personal feelings or about classified intelligence collection assets arrayed against him or pictures taken by his missile scientists and smuggled to the West, I felt like I could just pour out my heart.”
Eventually, the two national leaders agreed that their special relationship simply wasn’t to be. With only memories and a check for $130,000, Kim Jong-Un returned home.
W.E. Linde (@welinde) writes a lot. Former military intelligence officer, amateur historian, blogger/writer at DamperThree.com. Strives to be a satirist, but probably just sarcastic.