Duffel Blog

Share this post

Kim Jong-un’s Wife: If I Finally Give You Head, Will You Stop This?

www.duffelblog.com

Kim Jong-un’s Wife: If I Finally Give You Head, Will You Stop This?

Juice Box
Apr 12, 2013
Share this post

Kim Jong-un’s Wife: If I Finally Give You Head, Will You Stop This?

www.duffelblog.com

PYONGYANG, DPRK — As North Korea inches closer to the nuclear brink, one woman has stepped forward with a stunningly selfless offer that might be the world’s last best hope for keeping tensions on the Korean Peninsula from coming to a head.

“I was really hoping this day would never come,” said Ri Sol-ju, wife of Dear Leader Kim Jong-un. “But it occurs to me that the power to put all of this foolishness down really rests in my hands. Or mouth, as the case may be.”

Indeed, Ri, a role model for all women in the Hermit Kingdom, announced publicly on Thursday that, if her “nutjob husband will stop stroking his ego with these moronic threats,” she is prepared, for the first time in their marriage, to place his [redacted] in her mouth and [redacted].

“Wait, Kim Jong-un has a wife?” the international community cried all at once, after puking into a bag. “That has sex with him?!”

A quick Google search by a UN staffer verified the existence of a woman who occasionally appears in public with Kim, bu…

Keep reading with a 7-day free trial

Subscribe to Duffel Blog to keep reading this post and get 7 days of free access to the full post archives.

Already a paid subscriber? Sign in
Previous
Next
© 2023 Duffel Blog LLC
Privacy ∙ Terms ∙ Collection notice
Start WritingGet the app
Substack is the home for great writing