PYONGYANG – Multiple intelligence sources announced Monday evening that Kim Jong Un, long time supreme leader of North Korea, is in critical condition while recovering from heart surgery. While sources vary on the severity of the despot’s condition and whether the surgery was a success, experts now agree that Kim Jong Deux has emerged as the frontrunner to take over the nation should Kim Jong Un die.

“Kim Jong Deux shares a lot of traits with Kim Jong Un except he exemplifies them to a larger degree,” said North Korean policy expert AJ Stevens. “Same moon face, same Lego minifigure haircut, same terrible human rights abuse record.”

While reports out of North Korea are extremely limited, North Korean state media did share several reactions from that nation’s citizens. “Sure, Kim Jong Un is good,” said one man before being spirited away by security forces and shot for not classifying Kim Jong Un as great or better.

“Kim Jong Un is a god among men,” said another visibly nervous North Korean…