PENTAGON — Another so-called "knockout attack" has shaken the halls of the Pentagon after a three-star admiral was beaten senseless and left unconscious in the "E" Ring.

Vice Admiral Martin "Marty" Plenio had just finished delivering his brief on "Net-Centric Environmentalism in Littoral Warfare" to the Defense Science Board when he was randomly approached by a still-unidentified Army captain.

After initially asking for an extra handout of his powerpoint presentation, the captain then viciously punched Plenio in the chest and escaped down a nearby corridor, screaming "Knockout, ladies and gentlemen!"

This came several hours after two lieutenant colonels violently assaulted an analyst from the Rand Corporation giving a presentation on "Electromagnetism in Counterinsurgency."