WASHINGTON, D.C. – At a surprise press conference in the Rose Garden this morning, White House Press Secretary Stephanie Grisham announced that the United States had annexed Kuwait, which will now be considered the 51st state.

Grisham assured reporters that the move would not affect ongoing military operations in country. “Disruption on the ground will be minimal,” she explained. “Kuwait already doesn’t count as a deployment, so this is really just an administrative change.”