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The Duffel Brief · the free edition, Monday, Wednesday and Friday

Vol. 15 · No. 119 · Monday, 5 October 2026

Navy & Marines

Lincoln sailor returning from deployment already broke

Financial counselors unable to determine where approximately 10 months of pay went

Paste-eating Marine praised for unmatched commitment to unit

Backed-up toilet appointed new Secretary of the Army

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Established 2012 · Deployed worldwide

Vol. 15 · No. 119 · Deployed worldwide

Monday

5 October 2026

1701 Zulu

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· Page 2

Liaison officer fired for intentionally working a full duty day

Filed · 1552

STUTTGART, Germany—Military liaison officers throughout Europe are anxiously watching developments after Major Marco Lopez, U.S. Army Europe (USAREUR) liaison to Headquarters, U.S. European Command (HQ USEUCOM), was relieved of duties for willfully working.

According to reports, Lopez violated all known liaison officer professional standards by reporting for duty before 0800 on a beautiful Friday, efficiently responding to enquiries and communicating command positions until well after 1630. Informed of the infractions during his weekly Monday morning combination golf slam and staff meeting, USAREUR Chief of Staff Brig. Gen. Charles Pope reportedly said, "If I wanted thorough communications with HQ EUCOM—I'd pick up the goddamn phone. Can his ass!"

Military personnel management officials said that it is myth that liaison officers support open communications. According to Colonel Lyle Phelps of the USAREUR G-3, "In reality, most of those liaison chuckleheads can't even spell communications. Lopez is there to represent the G-3 at boring meetings or pain-in-the-ass retirement parties—and nothing else! He needs to get his head back in his ass where it belongs, or other underachievers will do it for him," Phelps said.

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