By W.E. Linde

PALMDALE, CA – In light of recent, high-profile images of Ukrainian farmers towing away Russian armored vehicles, aerospace company Lockheed Martin today announced “the future of farming and national defense” as they unveiled a hastily designed “stealth tractor.”

“Lockheed Martin attained our position at the forefront of national security technology by being nimble,” said CEO Marylin Hewson. “As we watched the shifting landscape of war in Ukraine, we realized there was a lesson to be learned from brave farmers who have turned out to be true force multipliers. Or whatever.”

Designated the TR-117 Nightdeere, the $1.2B stealthy farm implement is capable of plowing over 500 acres of soil, and can haul a Russian armored vehicle at least 50 miles. “And it can do all this with a radar cross section that is .005 percent that of a conventional tractor,” boasted Carl Mason, chief project manager for the Nightdeere.