Lockheed unveils '6th-Generation Fighter for the Middle Class'
Finally an aircraft for the Average Joe.
BETHESDA, Md. — Lockheed-Martin has unveiled a “6th Generation Fighter for the Middle Class” in response to the Biden administration’s interim National Security Strategic Guidance.
“This aircraft’s lethality is a testament to the resiliency of the middle class,” said Lockheed CEO James D. Taiclet.
“Its low observability combined with long-range attack performance will provide unprecedented successes on the battlefield,” Taiclet said before hastily checking his prepared remarks and adding, “For America.”
The Sixth-Generation Fighter for the Middle Class, or 6GFFTMC as the Air Force is calling it, “is easily the most advanced fighter the world has ever seen,” said Gen. Mark Kelly, commander of Air Combat Comand.
“Additionally, it will provide the needed precision strike capabilities that the middle class expects and, quite frankly, deserves,” he said.
Air Force officials noted that the F-22 and F-35 fighter jets were aircraft that Wall Street wanted but not the aircraft needed by Main Street. Officials have complained for months that Congress may not give the service its proposed budget, which trickles down to benefit local Air Force communities in the form of much-needed strip clubs and tattoo parlors.
“I’ll be honest, the previous fighter jets we’ve built were for the elites, the globalists,” said Taiclet. “This airplane, this is going to provide ‘air dominance’ for the Average Joe.”
“You’ve earned it, America,” Taiclet said. “This one’s for you.”
Lockheed rival Boeing issued a press release shortly after the announcement that introduced plans for its new bomber, which would “help secure a future for the average American.”
“We’re talking about Joe Sixpack who works hard, pays his taxes, and just wants his munitions delivered without a lot of fanfare so he can get his kids into college and then maybe buy that truck he’s had his eye on,” the press release said.
Meanwhile, the Navy said it would move forward with its existing plans.
“The only thing middle America needs is a 500-ship Navy,” said Adm. Michael Gilday, chief of naval operations.