Major Realizes His Job Is Completely Irrelevant, Achieves Nirvana
FORT BRAGG, N.C. — Maj. James Fitzgerald achieved Nirvana this week after realizing that his job is completely and utterly irrelevant to anything that occurs in the real world, according to sources.
Fitzgerald serves as the Assistant Section Planner for International Integration and Partnership (IIP) at US Army Forces Command (FORSCOM). Nirvana is an emotional and spiritual plane typically reserved for Buddhists that have broken the cycle of rebirth (reincarnation) through defeating passion, aversion, and ignorance, usually by practice of certain spiritual techniques.
“When I first began the job I would put in the standard 15-16 hour work days expected of a good staff major,” Fitzgerald explained, a beatific smile across his serene features.
“I’d spend an entire day painstakingly logging the amount of meetings our Colonels had with our international partners that month, then put the information into a chart, which would go into a slide, that was hidden inside a brief that the FORSCOM com…
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