SCOTTSDALE, AZ — A Marine reservist is in critical condition after grappling with a fully grown grizzly bear yesterday in his suburban home.

Similar in vein to several recent incidents, the bear broke into the home of Sergeant Sean Bush, who promptly engaged the gargantuan grizzly in hand-to-hand combat.

"I was just sitting in my room around midnight, playing some Skyrim, when I heard a crash from downstairs. When I went to investigate, I couldn't believe what I saw."

The sergeant says that was when his instincts took over.