Marines disappointed to find no strippers at North Pole

TROMSO, Norway – Marines training in Norway were disappointed recently when they trekked to the North Pole as part of a cold weather training package and did not find what they were expecting at their destination.

“Where the strippers at?” asked Sgt. Nick Stevens, a member of Marine Rotational Force Norway. “When Gunny said we were going to the North Pole, I thought he was taking us to some Norwegian strip club, and there’d be super hot blonde chicks in g-strings and snow boots.”

The confusion over the intended destination may have stemmed from the Norwegian liaison officer’s offer to help the Marines join the “North Pole Club.” After hiking over the snow and ice and fending off two polar bear attacks, the disappointment at not arriving at an actual adult club was indeed severe for many of the Marines.

“I was really looking forward to ‘Lick the Pole’ shots and maybe hookin’ up with a hot Norwegian bouncer. I hear they all look like Thor, and I was totally gonna offer up a ‘polar plunge’ to the biggest one,” said Lance Cpl. Jenny Roberts. “Thor can stuff my stocking any time.”

Instead of scantily clad women and rock-hard Norwegian bouncer-gods, at the end of the hike the Marines were confronted by a lone geographical marker indicating the top of the world. The rotational force's commanding officer began to give a speech congratulating the Marines on their unique accomplishment but stopped in disgust when he saw one of the Marines trying to hump a reindeer for warmth.

“Hey Roberts, at least you got to be on top for once,” Stevens called out as the Marines left the pole and started the long trek back to base.

As they trudged through the snow, the CO attempted to console the Marines with a visit to the real Santa’s workshop.

To head off potential trouble, Gunnery Sgt. Michael Schwartz warned the Marines, “They are called elves, not midgets, and they will not lick your candy cane. And Roberts, keep your hands off Santa’s big sack!”