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The Duffel Brief · the free edition, Monday, Wednesday and Friday

Vol. 15 · No. 115 · Saturday, 26 September 2026

Pentagon

Military leaders debate who gets to masturbate first in sniper arch

Services clash over historic privilege of being first to defile nation’s newest military monument

Mitch McConnell returns from extended drill weekend

Trump considers replacing Hegseth with rock or something

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Vol. 15 · No. 115

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Vol. 15 · No. 115 · Deployed worldwide

Saturday

26 September 2026

1956 Zulu

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· Page 2

Mattis attends confirmation hearing wearing only Spartan helmet and 'fuck ISIS' boxers

Filed · 1536

Retired Marine Gen. James Mattis, President-elect Donald Trump's pick for defense secretary, attended his Thursday confirmation hearing wearing only a Spartan helmet and boxers emblazoned with the words "Fuck ISIS" on them, sources confirmed.

A number of senators on the Armed Services Committee expressed shock after the 66-year-old entered the room shirtless, though some female staffers reportedly swooned over the retired general's ripped 8-pack abs.

"I only came here to do two things: kick some ass and drink some beer," Mattis said before removing his helmet and taking a seat at the witness table. "Looks like we're almost outta beer."

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