H.R. McMaster only authorized to stay in three-star hotels for government travel

WASHINGTON – Lt. Gen. H.R McMaster recently learned that even though he is the president's national security advisor, he is only authorized to stay in three-star hotels while on official government travel, sources confirmed today.

McMaster was particularly irked when he learned some other officials, however, such as retired Gen. James Mattis, the Secretary of Defense, and retired Gen. John F. Kelly, the Secretary of Homeland Security, are both authorized to stay in four-star lodgings.

“But I’m on the National Security Council,” McMaster was overhead complaining, after his travel claim for a recent trip to New York City was rejected by the Government Accountability Office. “Mattis and Kelly both stayed at the Central Park Marriott too, so why are you paying their claims and not mine?”

McMaster left the building disappointed after being told by five different officials that he would only be reimbursed at the three-star hotel rate and would have to cover the additional cost himself.

Only a few short weeks into his tenure as national security advisor, McMaster has quickly learned that there are other perks allowed to Mattis and Kelly that are not available to him.

“How come they can get reservations at four-star restaurants and I can’t? I am a direct presidential appointee, and they had to be approved by Congress!” McMaster whined after being turned down at the door of yet another up-scale Washington, D.C. eatery.

“Look, son,” Mattis explained one afternoon as he, Kelly, and McMaster met for coffee, “Together John [Secretary Kelly] and I have eight stars, and you only have 3. It’s that simple.”

When McMaster attempted to state that their military pasts should not matter and that they all serve together on the NSC, Kelly pointed to his own lapels and responded in brief, “BOOM! BOOM! FIREPOWER.”

McMaster was later seen that afternoon skulking around the Pentagon, trying to find a major general to get him a value meal from the food court.