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The Duffel Brief · the free edition, Monday, Wednesday and Friday

Vol. 15 · No. 114 · Thursday, 24 September 2026

Army

Mitch McConnell returns from extended drill weekend

Staff says senator’s three-month absence was “routine National Guard obligation”

Trump considers replacing Hegseth with rock or something

Army adopts ‘Your body, my choice’ as new recruiting slogan

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Vol. 15 · No. 114

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Vol. 15 · No. 114 · Deployed worldwide

Thursday

24 September 2026

1612 Zulu

Next edition Friday

← Front page
· Page 2

Michelle Obama challenges Asma al-Assad to no-holds-barred WMD cage match

Filed · 1544

WASHINGTON, D.C. – First Lady Michelle Obama has challenged Asma al-Assad, wife of Syrian President Bashir al-Assad, to a sanctioned one night Pay-Per-View match for control of Syria’s Weapons of Mass Destruction (WMD).

“Asma al-Assad. Whatchagonnado when the Let’s Move! Coalition goes wild on YOU?” said the First Lady to television cameras broadcast worldwide. “I’ve been training for this day by eating healthy, being active and signing up for email newsletters about community events. And what have you been doing? Hiding in a bunker and not getting at least 30 minutes of exercise a day. WOOOH!”

Michelle Obama’s manager, Barack “The Bomba” Obama, stood by her side making exaggerated head nods and shouting “uh, Oooooh Yesssss!” as the First Lady spoke.

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