Middle East intelligence agencies closely monitoring American Spring

CAIRO, Egypt — Intelligence personnel across the Middle East are closely monitoring events in the United States, as civil unrest continues spreading in the aftermath of the death of 46-year-old George Floyd at the hands of Minneapolis police officers. Officials in the Middle East have expressed concern the so-called American Spring could further destabilize North America.

“Say what you will about their government, the United States is strategic terrain—not just in the Western Hemisphere, but across the globe,” Abu Hasan Mahmoud, an analyst with Egypt’s General Intelligence Service, said. “They are a major exporter of popular music, cinema, and fast food. But, it is not just Hollywood and McDonald’s; we love the American people and want to see them prosper.”

“It’s important to remember,” continued Mahmoud, “we can’t risk this craziness bleeding over to Canada or Mexico.”

Officials in the region have long kept an eye on the United States. Longstanding concerns that the volatile mix of unemployment, a problematic record of civil rights, and a charismatic national leader widely seen as unstable could create a powder keg were validated last week as protests and riots broke out across the country.

Not everyone is convinced of the magnanimity of the intelligence services. Some see darker and more nefarious motivations at work. Ahmed al-Mostafa is a civil rights lawyer from Alexandria and expressed skepticism of the intelligence services’ intentions.

“They are not concerned about the well-being of the American people,” said al-Mostafa. “They only see opportunity and a chance to prop up some tin pot dictator who will just do whatever is good for Egypt. This is nothing more than a scheme to exchange blood for oily fast food.”

Sources in Saudi Arabia, Iran, and Syria have confirmed they are also closely monitoring events in the United States.

“No one wants to talk about it publicly,” said a Lebanese intelligence officer who requested to remain anonymous, “but these people just aren’t suited to govern themselves. They need help from more advanced societies.”