Militants Unhappy Recruit Got ‘Ariel’ On ‘Which Disney Princess Are You?’ Quiz
MOGADISHU, Somalia – Expressing "genuine, head-scratching befuddlement," a spokesman for Harakat al-Shabaab al-Mujahadeen (Al-Shabaab) confirmed today that new recruit Ali Abu Kasam most identifies with sixteen year-old aquatic heiress Ariel, princess of Atlantica.
Kasam, who completed the ten-part BuzzFeed questionnaire ‘Which Disney Princess Are You?’ as part of his induction into Al-Shabaab, is now facing possible ejection from the notorious terror group as a result of his controversial similarities with the free-spirited, headstrong, teenage mermaid, in addition to calls clamoring for his permanent disfigurement and genital mutilation.
Reading Kasam’s quiz results aloud, twelve-year old Omar Zwihari stated, “‘You are a dreamer who is always thinking of the next big step in your life. Some may think you have set your sights too high, but your friends know you are capable of anything.’”
Described by peers as an inquisitive, bright-eyed and ambitious young man, the assessment appears to…
Keep reading with a 7-day free trial
Subscribe to Duffel Blog to keep reading this post and get 7 days of free access to the full post archives.