YOUR LEAVE ADDRESS — Sources confirmed on this joyous and wonderful Christmas morning that your much-earned leave block far, far away from the flag pole to spend time with your family has just been cancelled.

"It would behoove you to stop opening goddamn presents and get your ass back to base," said your company first sergeant, momentarily pausing from distributing coal and charge sheets at a nearby barracks. "Besides, troops on deployment aren't home this Christmas, so neither should you."

When questioned about when you might get a break, your battalion sergeant major was incensed. "A break? Not getting shot at by the Taliban is a break," he said. "We obviously need to conduct more PMCS around here, I can still see the bluing on our weapons."