Military To End Fat Shaming, Embrace Full-Bodied Warriors
THE PENTAGON – Plus-sized service-members everywhere are bursting at the seams with joy after Gen. Martin Dempsey announced Monday that "fat shaming" is the DoD’s newest target in the ongoing War on Hurt Feelings.
“Tens of thousands of these brave men and women are already serving in secret,” Dempsey told journalists at a national press conference and hotdog-eating contest. “They are made to feel ashamed, forced to cheat on physical training tests, but now we are ready to give them their just desserts.”
Sgt. Anne Jenkins, a full-figure warrior who was almost ejected from the Army recently for her body composition, feels vindicated after the announcement.
“Now you can’t talk down on me because of my body type, you boney little anorexic bitches! #BigBeautifulWarfighter,” she declared on her popular Twitter account @ArmyOfTon.
To ensure fairness, the DoD also added a requirement for at least 30 percent of leaders to be overweight. Much to the pleasure of top brass, commanders immediately rep…
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