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The Duffel Brief · the free edition, Monday, Wednesday and Friday

Vol. 15 · No. 115 · Friday, 25 September 2026

Pentagon

Military leaders debate who gets to masturbate first in sniper arch

Services clash over historic privilege of being first to defile nation’s newest military monument

Mitch McConnell returns from extended drill weekend

Trump considers replacing Hegseth with rock or something

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Vol. 15 · No. 115

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Vol. 15 · No. 115 · Deployed worldwide

Friday

25 September 2026

1331 Zulu

Next edition Monday

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· Page 2

National guardsman to get DA photo taken when he loses 10 pounds, finds jacket

Filed · 1535

OMAHA, Neb. — Army National Guard Staff Sgt. Jason Hitchcock plans to update his official Department of the Army photo as soon as he loses 10 pounds, members of the 134th Cavalry Regiment report.

“You see, uh, the holidays kind of got away from me,” Hitchcock reportedly told fellow soldiers. “This spring I’m going to work out, eat right, and get back to fighting weight. If I took a DA photo right now, I’d just look like the stereotypical overweight Guard guy.”

Hitchcock, who would be a great selection for promotion due to his three combat tours, marksmanship skills, and deep commitment to his soldiers, will not have his promotion packet go to the state board until he updates his DA photo.

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