Navy Celebrates Lonely 239th Birthday In Bed With Pint Of Ice Cream

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The U.S. Navy celebrated its 239th birthday locked inside its bedroom, gorging itself on a pint of Ben & Jerry’s “Chubby Hubby,” sources confirmed Monday. Sources also told Duffel Blog that the muffled dialogue of a Sex and the City marathon could be heard over a crescendo of unintelligible sobs through the door.

“Honestly, I’d probabl…