Navy Accidentally Appoints Career Counselor Who Helps Sailors Advance Their Careers

NORFOLK, Va. — The officers and crew of the USS George H.W. Bush were shocked when the aircraft carrier was appointed a Command Career Counselor who wanted to help sailors advance their careers, Duffel Blog has learned.

Navy Counselor Senior Chief Michael Jones has angered several people in the three months he’s been onboard.

"Senior Chief Jones has been working hard as our career counselor,” Command Master Chief John Walsh said, noting that he always does paperwork on time, responds to emails, and even learned the names of the sailors he works with. "This is unacceptable. He disobeyed orders and transferred 12 hard-working sailors off the ship for training and career development. His job is to keep people onboard for as long as possible to ensure our decks remain swept.”

Noting that Jones had actually made her show up to training yesterday, Boatswain’s Mate First Class Amanda Lee was incredulous.

"It’s unbelievable," Lee said. "He told me I had to attend because I was the departmental career counselor. He expected me to know my collateral duty."

"I mean, jeez. What a slave driver," she added.

While Chief Jones told reporters he "just wanted to help people" when asked why he wanted to be a career counselor, a Duffel Blog investigation found that type of comment was borderline insubordination, according to Navy regulations.

Navy Instruction KFGKSBT38958747.156D states the proper reason for sailors to cross-rate to Navy Counselor is to have a job that has little oversight, no accountability, and a way to blame all mistakes on other people.

"The Navy’s greatest asset is its sailors, and if I can further their careers, everyone benefits," Jones said, completely flouting his duty to the Navy and the U.S. Constitution.

“I miss our last counselor, Chief Landers,” said Airman Cynthia Hope. “He was great, and the reason I’ve been an E-3 for two years. I tried to submit an officer packet four times, and each time I did he held onto it until the deadline passed, then blamed me for turning it in on time. Every six months or so he’d meet with the entire department, list off a bunch of jobs in the Navy, and then walk off. What a great guy.”