ANNAPOLIS, Md. — The Navy cited its desperate need for another clueless ensign to be assigned to a ship where they’re sure to screw everything up in denying a Naval Academy graduate’s request to defer his service and play in the NFL, sources confirmed today.
Cameron Kinley, a star cornerback on the Naval Academy football team, had signed with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers as an undrafted free agent. But his waiver to defer his active duty service commitment has been denied, according to defense officials, which means that instead of attending training camp, Kinley will serve on active duty as a bumbling O-1 who doesn’t have a goddamn clue.
“We made a significant investment in Ensign Kinley’s education,” said acting Secretary of the Navy Thomas Harker. “Although he has the rare combination of elite talent and athleticism that could result in him playing football at the highest level, and we’d reap the enormous publicity and goodwill that we received when we allowed Malcolm Perry, Keenan Reynolds, and Joe Cardona to go pro, I decided it’s better to have Ensign Kinley on active duty fucking up everything he touches.”
