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The Duffel Brief · the free edition, Monday, Wednesday and Friday

Vol. 15 · No. 130 · Sunday, 1 November 2026

Veterans

Spirit Halloween store to become pop-up ICE detention center

DHS praises seasonal retailer's expertise in occupying abandoned buildings and disappearing overnight

Army FRG unveils haunted house featuring spouses saying ‘I’m fine’

Hasan execution venue double-booked with Comic-Con

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Vol. 15 · No. 130

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Vol. 15 · No. 130 · Deployed worldwide

Sunday

1 November 2026

1245 Zulu

Next edition Monday

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Navy & Marines · Page 5

Navy gets around personnel shortage by making each sailor 30% larger

Filed · 1533

NORFOLK, Va. — The U.S. Navy announced it would forgive past fitness test failures and halt fitness discharges in an attempt to keep the overall size of the Navy the same despite recent manning cuts, sources confirmed today.

“Ships are measured in tonnage, and now, shipmates will be, too,” said Rear Adm. Joseph Simms, commander of Navy Personnel Command. “Those pencil pushers can take away the number of Sailors we have, but not the amount of Sailors we have.”

The move, announced last week, promises to save the Navy additional costs by reducing the need for ballast.

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