Navy gets around personnel shortage by making each Sailor 30% larger

NORFOLK, Va. — The U.S. Navy announced it would forgive past fitness test failures and halt fitness discharges in an attempt to keep the overall size of the Navy the same despite recent manning cuts, sources confirmed today.

“Ships are measured in tonnage, and now, shipmates will be, too,” said Rear Adm. Joseph Simms, commander of Navy Personnel Command.…