Navy planning to replace bad uniforms with even worse ones
ARLINGTON, Va. — Secretary of the Navy Ray Mabus announced plans today to replace uniforms with even worse ones, debuting the Navy's switch to a forest camouflage pattern because ocean camouflage wasn't dumb enough.
"We've heard endless complaints about the Navy Working Uniform (NWU) and we've decided to stop ignoring them," Mabus said. "We've decided to switch from unpopular uniforms to something we'll pretend is better. After a few years we'll drop the act, admit it was a colossal fuck-up, and spend billions more on researching newer uniforms."
"I want sailors to like what they're wearing," Mabus added. "So our new uniform creation task force will not take any input from sailors."
In 2009, the Navy switched from utilities to the NWU. At the same time they added the official PT uniform and Service Uniform, which are also stupid.
"A few years after we mandated the NWUs we discovered they burst into flame at the slightest provocation," Mabus said. "That was probably something we should've …
Keep reading with a 7-day free trial
Subscribe to Duffel Blog to keep reading this post and get 7 days of free access to the full post archives.