PERSIAN GULF — Following the recent capture and release of two US Navy riverine war vessels by Iran on Tuesday, the Navy has officially rebranded itself as a "Regional Force for Good," sources report. The Navy backed off from its previous "Global Force For Good" branding earlier this year, replacing it with a series of giant red blobs meant to emphasize "presence."

"Let's be honest," Adm. John Richardson, Chief of Naval Operations said. "The F-35 has sucked our budget dry like one of those Twilight vampires giving a horny teenager an undeath-hickey."

"We can't afford to be in more than a couple places at a time, and once we get there, we usually have to fire the skipper and come right home."

Though the new brand had been under consideration for some time, he contentious "catch and release" of 10 Navy sailors in Iranian waters prompted a rapid decision on it. The Navy has not announced how these sailors let their boats drift into Iranian territory, although some are blaming the Naval Acad…