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The Duffel Brief · the free edition, Monday, Wednesday and Friday

Vol. 15 · No. 115 · Sunday, 27 September 2026

Pentagon

Military leaders debate who gets to masturbate first in sniper arch

Services clash over historic privilege of being first to defile nation’s newest military monument

Mitch McConnell returns from extended drill weekend

Trump considers replacing Hegseth with rock or something

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Vol. 15 · No. 115

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Vol. 15 · No. 115 · Deployed worldwide

Sunday

27 September 2026

1754 Zulu

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Navy & Marines · Page 5

Navy replaces all sailors with Overpaid contractors to cut costs

Filed · 1546

Secretary of the Navy Ray Mabus

NORFOLK, VA - Secretary of the Navy Ray Mabus went on a tour of the USS San Antonio today to promote his new initiative to separate all enlisted sailors and replace them with civilian contractors.

"This is a great way to save the Navy money," Mabus said as he explained the reasoning behind the pending decision. "Every sailor costs the Navy roughly $300,000 a year, so we decided to give them all generous separation packages and rehire them as contractors at double their enlisted salary. It won’t cost a thing to recruit or train them."

Many observers noted that Mabus has ignored the fact that they were previously recruited and trained by the military.

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