Secretary of the Navy Ray Mabus

NORFOLK, VA - Secretary of the Navy Ray Mabus went on a tour of the USS San Antonio today to promote his new initiative to separate all enlisted sailors and replace them with civilian contractors.

"This is a great way to save the Navy money," Mabus said as he explained the reasoning behind the pending decision. "Every sailor costs the Navy roughly $300,000 a year, so we decided to give them all generous separation packages and rehire them as contractors at double their enlisted salary. It won’t cost a thing to recruit or train them."

Many observers noted that Mabus has ignored the fact that they were previously recruited and trained by the military.

“The San Antonio is a great example of what a new civilian operated Navy can do,” Mabus said. “She’s six years old, a billion dollars over budget, and hasn’t been seaworthy since we bought her. She is a shining example of what the Navy can accomplish without sailors.”

"Do you see this? This is efficiency," Mabus …