NORFOLK, Va. — Demonstrating alarming moral flexibility for a man in uniform, local Quartermaster Second Class Kenny Cruise reportedly littered today, right there in front of everyone at a neighborhood Dunkin' Donuts, like he doesn’t even care about the Honor, Courage, and Commitment he represents in public.

“I was just in line for coffee,” said one eyewitness, who was still shaken-up over the incident. “I was gawking at the sailor, as one does, when out of nowhere he misses the trash can with a crumpled napkin and walked right out that door.”

“He didn’t even stop to see who noticed,” another witness complained. “Now I have to explain to my kid that some heroes litter, too. Thanks for your service? Thanks for nothing!”