WASHINGTON, DC – After months of high-profile deliberation, a US Navy spokesperson has confirmed that the military organization is prepared to issue a public apology to Lieutenant Junior Grade Jeffrey Hurst for wasting the first two years of his professional life.
“We obviously made a big mistake not recognizing Lieutenant Hurst’s potential sooner,” the spokesperson said in a phone interview. “He deserved much better than the assignment he got, and we all feel just awful.”
24-year-old Hurst, who graduated from Auburn University with a degree in English and commissioned through the school’s Naval ROTC program, made waves last July when he updated his Facebook status to read, “Accelerate your life my ass… this job SUX!” The post was liked by six of Hurst’s friends and received three comments, making it an unmitigated public relations disaster for the Navy.
At the time of the calamitous post, Hurst was serving aboard the frigate USS NICHOLAS as the Electrical Officer, which was reportedly not his first choice duty or even his second. The Navy has since relocated him to a holding facility for dissatisfied service members, where he is waited on hand and foot by government servants and allowed to play video games whenever he wants.
