Navy to increase recruitment by lowering enlistment standards for foreign spies
Secretary of Navy Del Toro "proud to see policy reflect reality."
ARLINGTON, Va. — Current difficulties meeting recruitment goals are driving the Navy to overcome recruitment challenges with an aggressive and creative new plan: lowering standards for foreign spies and implementing a “don’t ask don’t tell” policy regarding asking applicants’ pesky questions regarding citizenship and foreign ties.
Secretary of the Navy Carlos Del Toro spoke highly of the change at a press conference. “As you’ve seen, we have many foreign spies who wish to serve, so who are we to ignore a clear source of recruits? Even Chinese spies can mop and serve chow. Plus, studies indicate foreign spies view their superior officers as unmatched gods, making them perfect for a Navy rife with toxic leaders.”
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