New 6-foot Marine Corps bayonet protects against COVID-19

WASHINGTON — The Marine Corps has begun issuing a new socially distanced bayonet that is six feet in length, Brigadier General Spanky Sicklecell announced yesterday.

“Stabbing the enemy at close range with a steel blade, while perhaps violent, is an honorable thing,” Sicklecell said. “But violating an individual’s social distance rights is cold-blooded a…

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