THE PENTAGON – Recently declassified documents from the Ford and Reagan administrations indicate that glaring faults in the Pentagon's acquisition process were ultimately to blame for the destruction of both Death Stars, Duffel Blog has learned.

Although the total scope of the disclosure remains unclear, it now appears that the Defense department’s 1980’s Strategic Defense Initiative, commonly referred to as the “Star Wars” program, was in-fact a smoke screen used to funnel billions into building an “orbiting, moon-like” space station for the Galactic Empire.

According to sources, the Death Star was originally conceived as cocktail-napkin doodles between Emperor Palpatine and President Richard Nixon during their time together in the Senate. However, the plan stalled during the Watergate scandal, until being revived by then-Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld.