FORT CAMPBELL, Ky. — Soldiers in Second Platoon, A/3-187 Infantry Company, are reacting with shock and disgust at the discovery that their newest platoon mate reads books, like some kind of fucking nerd.

“Get a load of College Boy over there,” said Staff Sgt. Rick Deckard. “Reading books, like he’s too good for us. JUGGS isn’t good enough for him? Fuck him.”

He then gave the new guy, Pfc. Richard Walker, the finger, as he disgustedly lit a Swisher Sweet.

“Yo Walker,” shouted Sgt. James Marshall, the company’s communications non-commissioned officer. "Why don’t you read this, you fuckin’ Poindexter?”