New Navy Football uniforms honor tradition of ignoring Marine Corps

“Next year, it could be a ship’s bilge,” he added. “Bilges are very important parts of the ship.”

By BYOBooyah

ANNAPOLIS, Md. — The U.S. Naval Academy debuted custom uniforms last week in preparation for the upcoming Army-Navy football game which honors the naval tradition of ignoring the Marine Corps, sources confirmed today.

“This year's Army-Navy uniform pays tribute to the Naval Academy with numerous special features as seen on the Yard with the first being the blue and white marble pattern of the helmet and shoulders,” said Academy Superintendent Vice Adm. Sean Buck.

 “Some people are claiming that because the design incorporates marble, which is a rock, that we’re indirectly alluding to the Marine Corps. But marble is a fancy rock, much too fancy for those crayon eaters.

Officials said the academy was honoring a long-established practice of ignoring that the Marine Corps exists, which happens most often during defense budget season. And official Navy policy calls for “dicking [the Marine Corps] over” whenever possible, as set out in a naval administrative message released in 1923.

For that reason, the only direct callout on the uniform comes in the form of a Marine eagle, globe, and anchor placed as close to the uniform’s crotch as allowed by the NCAA.

In recent years, West Point has joined Annapolis in releasing custom uniforms ahead of the annual football game. But while Army has leaned on honoring specific combat units and battles they participated in, the Navy’s inspiration has included their mascot, football team, water, and now, stone buildings.

“We had Blue Angel uniforms that one time which is a combat adjacent unit,” said Ed Zeigler, a spokesman for Naval District Washington. “We also thought about doing Navy SEAL uniforms but decided looking like a Sopranos bathroom would be classier.”

“Next year, it could be a ship’s bilge,” he added. “Bilges are very important parts of the ship.”

Despite their lack of recognition on this year’s uniform, Marines make up approximately 20 percent of Naval Academy graduates, officials noted of a deeply embarrassing fact to Academy staff and personnel.

And though swag related to the new uniform will not be available on Marine Crops bases due to “budget cuts,” according to Zeigler, “the Navy has offered up older, outdated, torn up uniforms they can buy.”

The Marine Corps could not be reached for comment in the barracks and calls to a local strip club went unanswered.


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Here’s an oldie from this month in 2012:

Syria to Host Iraq War Reenactors

By G-Had on Dec. 12, 2018

DAMASCUS, SYRIA — The government of Syria will be hosting the world's first official Iraq War reenactment, an international event drawing in thousands of participants in time for the Iraq War's ten-year anniversary in 2013.

"You might say the interest never really went away," said Abu Du'a, the leader of Al Nusra Front, the world's leading Al Qaeda in Iraq reenactment group. Dua appeared in a period costume of a tracksuit with an AK-47, with the black flag of Al Qaeda in Iraq behind him.

"A lot of our children are too young to remember battles like Nasiriyah or Fallujah, but hopefully we can give them the closest thing possible."

According to Abu Du'a, the kids even get to take part in the reenactments, monitoring suspected informants and emplacing IEDs along the main roads.

"During the Iraq War a lot of kids served as valuable interpreters, scouts, even front line fighters, and we've had parents and kids ask to bring back that experience."

Al Nusra Front contains a number of actual former Al Qaeda in Iraq members, many of whom described the reenactments as both educational and helping them cope with lingering post-traumatic stress.

"God, we all look so young and skinny," said member Abdullah, watching an old video of them beheading an Iraqi policeman in 2005. "It looks like I'm the only thing that's blown up since then," he joked.

While the war only ended one year ago today, reenactments had begun even before Victory in Iraq Day, or V-I Day as it's popularly known in the United States. While a number of groups in Tunisia, Libya, Egypt, and Yemen have been carrying out unofficial Iraq War reenactments since early 2011, the upcoming Syria one will be the closest and most realistic of all.

Due to geographical convenience, the event will also be bringing in reenactors from all over the Arab world and possibly some western countries.

"We were actually the first group to carry out an Iraq War reenactment," said Lt. Abdul Razaq Tlass, commander of the Homs-based Farouq Brigade that has been carrying out reenactments since early 2012.

"We were talking with several Iraq War veterans who remarked that [Homs] is very similar to Fallujah, so we reenacted the First and Second Battles last spring. It was totally cool. The Syrian Army even sent a few brigades to pretend to be the Americans."

According to Syrian Army commander Gen. Maher "Mad Dog" al-Assad, playing the Americans was a natural role for many Syrian soldiers.

"We initially had a lot of trouble translating the American documents into Arabic, but we finally got a break with one that said to be polite, professional, and to kill everybody we meet, as well as to always bring artillery and 'fucking kill them all.'"

Al-Assad said that the biggest problems in doing American military reenactments were financial.

"We spent a lot of money on gear that we never actually used because we were told it was authentic, and additionally had to bus in hundreds more reenactors to sit around our base called 'Camp Cupcake.' They don't actually take part in the reenacting: they just sit around drinking coffee, taking pictures of themselves, and telling everyone else how hard reenactments are."

Tlass said that while the first reenactments were a positive sign, much work remained to be done.

"What is with all these YouTube videos?" he complained, watching several members of his group upload a video of an attack on an army checkpoint. "YouTube wasn't even around when the Americans invaded. You had to film your attacks, then have several couriers deliver the tape or DVD to a member of Al Jazeera. What a bunch of Farbs!"

Officials have confirmed that reenactments will be occurring all over Syria throughout 2013. Last week the Syrian Army even reenacted parts of the Gulf War, shooting Scud missiles just north of the city of Aleppo.

Other reenactments will include the massive sectarian butchery in Baghdad, scheduled to occur in Damascus within a few months.


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