By Dirk Diggler

FORT LEAVENWORTH, Kan. — Soldiers apply most of their skills acquired during the Modern Army Combatives Program on their wives, according to a new study released by the Army's Training and Doctrine Command.

"I mean, why would they teach us how to put someone in a headlock if they didn't want us to use it," said Pfc. Richard Williams, who currently faces 12 charges of domestic violence and is currently being separated from the Army as per the Lautenberg Amendment.

Williams took a one-hour combatives class during basic training and considers himself a "virtual wife ninja," sources say.

The Modern Army Combatives Program was formally introduced early during the War on Terror in a failed attempt to inculcate the "Warrior Ethos" into new recruits. According to General David Perkins, TRADOC Commander, the combatives program was largely useless on the battlefields of Iraq and Afghanistan.

"We regretfully admit this was just another bullshit mandatory training requirement we honest…