WASHINGTON, D.C. – A new study released last week suggests that Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) can not only be cured through copious amounts of alcohol consumption, but over the long term actually leads to increased sexual performance.

The study "PABST and PTSD" was published in the Anals of Infantry Medisin, a publication sponsored by the Textbooks of Military Medicine and Anheuser-Busch inBev. It has already been endorsed by the Surgeon General of the United States and the Food and Drug Administration.

Drawing on eleven years of surveys conducted on U.S. service-members returning from Iraq and Afghanistan, the study measured test subjects in several categories: mental stability, physical prowess, marital and family life, job retention, and high-speed stunt driving.

"No matter what category we looked at, people suffering from PTSD who drank heavily scored at the top of the charts over all other types of veterans and many other civilians," said Dr. William Beasley, an Army physician at the Tripler Army Medical Center.