Washington, D.C. – Top military officials met with the President this week to discuss actions and further sanctions against North Korea. The meetings come after the latest international media frenzy out of Pyongyang: the launch of a rubber ducky into the Sea of Japan.

“It’s about the size of a baseball, it’s yellow, and it’s adorable,” said Defense Secretary Leon Panetta. “I don’t know how Korea got a hold of materials of this caliber, but the United States will not stand for it.”

Top leadership quietly voiced their agreement with the statements during the address. He continued, “We have talked directly with North Korean leader Kim Jong Un, but he is pointedly avoiding questions regarding the destructive potential of the ducky.”

Leaders in Asiatic nations expressed similar concern, and were quick to make an ultimatum. Japanese Minister of Defense Naoki Tanaka, had this to say: “We are aware of the recent launch into waters which divide our nation and Korea. If North Korean personnel do not wade out to retrieve this object, we will seriously not hesitate to blow the shit out of Pyongyang.”