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North Korea wins Olympic gold medal for ‘crossing red lines’

PYEONGCHANG, SOUTH KOREA — Team North Korea has scored an early success in the 2018 Winter Olympics after winning the Gold Medal for crossing red lines, sources confirmed today.

Crossing red lines, in which competitors try to outdo each other in violating international norms and basic standards of human decency, has been a longtime Winter Olympics sport ever since it was first introduced by Germany in the 1936 Winter Olympics.

North Korea beat historical favorites Syria, Russia, and Iran, along with a surprisingly strong first-time showing by the United States. Odds-makers had favored Syria and defending champion Russia, although due to the Olympic ban, an unknown number of Russian athletes are believed to be competing on the Ukrainian team.

Just minutes into the event, Russia had taken an early lead by bribing all the judges with free steroids, while Syria and Iran had taken the judges' families hostage.

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