Following NSA Leak, Droves Of Domestic Terrorists Switch To AT&T, T-Mobile
Director of National Intelligence James Clapper
BASKING RIDGE, NJ — In the wake of leaked disclosures of the National Security Agency spying inside the U.S., hundreds of domestic terrorists have cancelled their cell phone service from Verizon, according to company officials.
The hemorrhage marks the most significant switch in consumer loyalty since LeBron James signed with the Miami Heat in 2010.
"This is bullshit," decried Ahmed Farazeen, a prolific member of an unnamed sleeper cell based in New York City and former Verizon customer. "I'm an American citizen! This is outright criminal."
Many other domestic terrorists share Farazeen's sentiment, blowing up the Twittersphere with outraged tweets ranging from, "ACLU [American Civil Liberties Union] here we come!" to "Can you hear me now? No, you can't, because you're all fucking dead."
Disgruntled customers have rallied under the banner #deathtoverizon to stress how serious they are, and Farazeen proudly announced that his own Tweet of angst…
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