Opinion: Everyone’s a Soulja Boy until it’s time to superman that ho

By General Mark A. Milley – Chairman, Joint Chiefs of Staff

As we stand on the precipice of yet another shitty little conflict, I was taken aback with the news that the Selective Service website recently crashed due to the overwhelming number of citizens searching for how to avoid a potential draft. It is beyond disappointing to think that in this nation, the pinnacle of western democracy, we have so many soulja boys looking for an out in the off chance they’ll be called on to superman that ho.

We were once a nation that, in the face of a foreign threat and potential road to war, told the world to watch us crank it, watch us roll. From the trenches of the Marne to the beaches of Normandy, our nation’s soulja boys and soulja girls answered the bell time and again. These brave generations catapulted America into position as the defender of freedom worldwide.

However, the youth of today seem to feel almost no connection to the men and women on the front lines who superman these hos on their behalf. What’s more, in the social media age we’re seeing an increase in keyboard souljas willing to war hawk about how our nation needs to superman more hos globally even though they are not willing to crank that themselves.

Despite this, our military remains strong and I am humbled daily by the number of volunteers who remain steadfast in their dedication to freedom and the American way of life. We will not allow those so desperate to avoid a draft to define our nation or what it is willing to sacrifice. Instead I say, whether in Iran, Iraq, Afghanistan, or any other corner of the world, here am I, watch me youuuuu.