OPINION: I Fight Human Sex Trafficking By Always Giving My Hookers A DVD To Learn Karate

The following is an opinion piece by Boatswain’s Mate 1st Class Sam Ojeda, USS Carl Vinson (CVN-70) Deck Department

It’s no secret that human sex trafficking is a huge problem worldwide. In fact, it’s such a problem that those of us in the military are required to take regular training on the topic, so that we know how to be vigilant about any shady encounters with potentially-trafficked women while we’re deployed overseas.

But I don’t think sitting down at a computer every year and looking at a bunch of slides does enough to push back against a multibillion dollar criminal industry that affects countless victims worldwide. And that’s why I always do my part to fight human sex trafficking by giving whatever hooker I end up with for the night a DVD on learning karate.

It’s high time we empower these women with the ability to fight back against their oppressors.

And learning karate is the best way to do it.

I know handing out DVDs on karate might sound like a simple (and maybe even silly) gesture at first, but imagine what would happen if every one of the millions of sexually trafficked women and underage girls out there could liberate themselves from the shackles of sexual servitude by having the ability to deliver a perfectly timed roundhouse kick, a solid throat punch, or maybe even a sick elbow strike to whatever scumbag is keeping them captive.

I bet human sex trafficking would disappear overnight!

The idea to give karate DVDs to hookers first came to me a few years back, when I was on liberty in Tokyo. As soon as we left the bar, this girl I had just hired to service me for the evening immediately started telling me a really sad story about how the modeling gig she had left home in the Philippines for ended up being nothing but an unsavory “job” where she was expected to sleep with foreign businessmen for money.

Later on that evening, after a crazy, three-hour sex romp, I began to think about what an average consumer of overseas prostitutes like me could do to help combat the scourge of human sex trafficking. Surely there had to be something, right?

And that’s when it hit me: I still had a ten-dollar bootleg copy of “Shotokan for Beginners” I bought off some street vendor in Busan sitting in my backpack.

Boom. Sex trafficking problem solved.

You’re welcome, girls.

Now, admittedly, I’ve seen my fair share of raised eyebrows and confused glances on many occasions after handing over a DVD about learning karate to whatever hooker I end up buying while on liberty, or during one of my annual sex tours to Thailand or Manila. Oftentimes, these women are so beaten down and exhausted by the day-to-day realities of being forced to sell their bodies, that they have a hard time wrapping their heads around the concept of emancipating themselves from that lifestyle by way of learning karate.

When that happens, I usually just tell the hooker to be strong, and to take comfort in knowing that once she puts in the time and practice — and once she’s mastered a few righteous moves — she should totally be able to open up a can of whoop ass on her male oppressors.

I also make it clear to the hooker that I’ll be deducting the cost of the DVD from my payment for the sex, but that she’ll totally thank me for it down the road (after she’s gone all “Bruce Lee” on whatever dirt bag is trafficking her against her will, or whatever).

At the end of the day, when it comes to navigating the awful highway of human sex trafficking, you’re either part of the problem, or you’re part of the solution. So, for any service members out there who might be considering hiring a prostitute for the first time, my advice to you is simple: always give your hooker a DVD on learning karate before you part ways for the evening.

Trust me, it feels good to be part of the solution.