The following is an opinion piece written by a second deck fan room currently serving aboard USS Carl Vinson (CVN-70)

Look you two, I know this is your first time here, but I’m no idiot, and I can pretty much guarantee I’ve got a good idea as to why the both of you are in my personal space this late at night.

And I’ll also have you know I’m not having any of it.

So you, E-6, (Petty Officer Ojeda, is it?), zip those coveralls right on back up. And, you, Seaman Keebler, go ahead and put that pretty blonde hair of yours back into a regulation bun. And then both of you need to exit back into the passageway and go find somewhere else to smash fuzzies, because I ain’t in the mood tonight, see?