An open letter to veterans from your civilian neighbor. He is writing anonymously because he doesn't want your butthurt on his front porch.

Dear Veterans,

I’m just going to say what everyone is thinking: thank you from the bottom of my heart for your stick-in-the-mud Facebook statuses!

Every time I prepare for a holiday, I instinctively feel good about the food, fun, and drinks we’re all going to have. Fortunately, I have you nearby to remind me that the real reason for celebrations is to unite civilians and soldiers in being depressed, angry, or overly careful for the neighbor whose PTSD gets triggered by fireworks.