An open letter to veterans from your civilian neighbor. He is writing anonymously because he doesn't want your butthurt on his front porch.

Dear Veterans,

I’m just going to say what everyone is thinking: thank you from the bottom of my heart for your stick-in-the-mud Facebook statuses!

Every time I prepare for a holiday, I instinctively feel good about the food, fun, and drinks we’re all going to have. Fortunately, I have you nearby to remind me that the real reason for celebrations is to unite civilians and soldiers in being depressed, angry, or overly careful for the neighbor whose PTSD gets triggered by fireworks.

I particularly like the memes that show soldiers in the desert of some third world country, hating life while carrying machine guns and rucksacks on a crappy mission. Usually it says something like, “While you’re enjoying your holiday, remember the troops who can’t.”

Thank you! Now I can have a horrible time like they are having. That’s what you want when you’re overseas, righ…