FORT POLK, La. – Outgoing Specialist Tyrone Miller held a stirring and widely attended Change of Co-Sham ceremony at the smoke pit next to the North Fort Troop Store Monday, sources close to Miller report.

“I want you all to remember not only what we did during my time here, but what we avoided doing during my time here,” said Miller, to the loosely gathered formation of soldiers, unified only by their hands in their pockets. “Never forget the naps we took in the back of the motor pool. Never forget when we all said Nelson was at dental when it was time for his piss test.”