WASHINGTON, D.C. - US Army staff officers were stunned today after the announcement from the Chief of Staff that future promotions will be based on merit and performance rather than time in service.

A morning press conference was led by General Ray Odierno, who broke the news and answered questions.

The audience was composed of a select group of Majors and Lieutenant Colonels chosen specifically for the test panel.

“The officer corps has always been a middle-class welfare system. History shows that 95 percent of Captains get promoted to Major and 94 percent of Majors are promoted to Lieutenant Colonel," said a Lieutenant Colonel who wished to remain anonymous. "I’ve kept my nose clean and maintained a very solid mediocre career for 18 years now and only have 2 left. How the hell am I supposed to get a job on the outside?”