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Veterans

Paralyzed veteran literally can't even right now

STILLWATER, Okla. — Local veteran Chase Wilkerson, a former Army infantryman and quadriplegic, literally can’t even right now, sources confirmed today.

Wilkerson, who was paralyzed by an IED strike in Iraq, is unbelievably serious, according to a source familiar with the situation.

His inability to do anything was on full display this morning, after his wife Hillary told him to stop watching so much TV.

“You literally need to get off your ass and turn that thing off,” she screamed at him. “And clean this shit up!” she added after stepping in a puddle from Wilkerson’s leaky colostomy bag.

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