Paula Broadwell Linked to Affairs With Half Of The Clandestine Services

LANGLEY, VA – Officials with the Central Intelligence Agency are facing continued fallout from revelations that Paula Broadwell has been linked to affairs with CIA Director David "Peaches" Petraeus, ISAF General John Allen, at least one Marine Private First Class, hundreds of field agents, and a half-dozen security guards, among others.

The whole scandal has overshadowed the larger and more important issue pressing the nation: how many of Broadwell's liaisons actually knew each other, what did they know and when did they know it?

Broadwell, a former soldier and author of the Petraeus biography Balls Deep: The Education of David Petraeus, was recently revealed to be intimately involved with the subject of her book. Although Petraeus resigned due to the affair, senior members of the Clandestine Services are now conducting an internal investigation to assess the full extent of the damage caused by 'Broadwellgate' as the scandal has become known.

Initial estimates have placed the number of individuals involved with Broadwell between 100-200, and it could mark the biggest scandal to rock the CIA since 1975, when the entire Church Committee admitted to an affair with Farrah Fawcett.

"I was completely mortified," declared Uniformed Agent Troy Easting. "We're a pretty tight crew. We talk all the time. I guess it was a little weird when everyone got a new girlfriend all at the same time, but no one introduced her to anyone."

Easting's reaction is among the more contrite. Others however have expressed anger and betrayal.

"She made me feel special," said "Luke", a member of the CIA who spoke on condition of anonymity. "Then it dawned on me that the more I read her emails, the more I realized I had heard it somewhere all before, like a carbon copy of a love letter meant for someone else."

“We want to know first and foremost how many CIA personnel were involved with Broadwell,” said acting Director Michael Morell, “but what I really want to know is how this woman is actually able to walk.”

Officials say Broadwell represented a threat long overlooked: her access to Petraeus for the research of her book may have had more sinister implications, giving her extensive contact with the former general as well as a host of agents inside the CIA, none of which was professional.

"We've placed great trust in the Clandestine Services before, but there could have been a better way to go about this. It seems to have been going on for several months and now it appears neither CIA nor FBI knew of the trouble in their ranks until Election Day. Could they all have had related knowledge about just how many of them were in fact sharing a bed, car seat, or public bathroom with her?" asked Senator Diane Fienstein (D-CA), Chair of the Senate Intelligence Committee.

In a related story, Rolling Stone magazine has announced it wants to give an unbiased view of the entire scandal in its latest critical expose “David Petraeus and John Allen: Mistress Swapping Man-Whores for the Military Industrial Complex.”