Pentagon budgets for enlisted aide position to unmute generals on Zoom
Can you hear me now?
By Jordan Hemlock
THE PENTAGON – A new study has recommended the creation of an enlisted aide position to unmute generals on Zoom after researchers found the Department of Defense had an unexplained loss of 17,000 man-hours last year.
Recently leaked footage of a Zoom-based staff conference amongst the chiefs of staff highlighted the issue.
“You’re on mute,” Air Force Chief of Staff Gen. Charles Brown told Army Chief of Staff Gen. James McConville.
According to an expert lip-reader, McConville replied, “Do I look fucking incompetent to you? I’m on mute when I say I’m on mute, not when this damned machine says I am!”
“We can’t hear you. I think you’re still on mute.” Brown repeated.
McConville then shouted, “Fuck it to hell!” before reports indicate that he threw his computer through a window, destroying it.
Here’s a reenactment: